Source: The Secret Garden
I’ve been wanting to write about this topic for a couple of weeks now and wasn’t happy with a few of the drafts i had made and if you know me, if I make or produce something I don’t like i wont give it or share it. Slightly a little miss perfectionist lol.
So anyways, I finally got my head into a space where I’ve collected all my thoughts & figured out the best way to type up my opinions & thoughts on sex, specifically on choosing to wait before marriage (hence the title). This is the part where you grab ya sister/s or some gal pals & get comfy. I believe I’m speaking to girls today who are maybe on a similar journey to me or maybe isn’t and is sexually active. Whichever path you are on, I wont judge, but my prayer is that hopefully this post inspires you to continue holding on to our v plates or you choose to become celibate.
What inspired me to want to write on this topic was actually from a conversation I encountered during NYE 2016. A guy friend of mine introduced me to a girl I had seen a couple of times on social media. So anyways they had began talking about how many people they’ve each slept with. Strolling beside them as we were on our way down to Circular Quay, I hadn’t spoken a word. Calm & collected, just quietly laughing at their little quarrels & conversation. It was my turn. how many guys had I ever done the deed with? 👉👌🙈 Now I could of lied & gave a random number to fit in & be cool, but i didn’t succumb to social standards & bluntly told her the truth that I was a virgin & intending to keep it that way till my wedding day. We had stopped walking. Both in shock they wouldn’t believe my answer! I started laughing at them for their disbelief.
So there you go ladies & gentlemen, we have this social standard or this assumption that by the time you’re 21 years old you must definitely be sexually active. 😮 I was shook.
I was shook or for better words surprised, that they wouldn’t believe me that I was. I’m not sure what gave them the impression that I wasn’t but the idea that they’d assume just took me by surprise.
I turn 22 this Saturday 🎉, and if there is one wish i’d like to come true, it would be that this post speaks to you or speaks to a friend you shared it with. When I turned 18 years old I made a promise to myself that I was going to continue to hold on to my V plates till Mr Right changed my last name. I am not going to lie, back then in my adolescent years (and still to this day) temptation just kept knocking at my door. Boys whispering sweet nothing. I’ve had my fair share of second guessing where I did contemplate situations 😏🤔😂. But for some reason, I somehow snapped myself out of these heated moments & remembered my worth.
A conversation inspired me to write this, but what really motivated me to post & share it with you all was the trend I am beginning to see in my community, of young girls my age getting pregnant before the ring💍. Girls, I personally know, who grew up in church and know right from wrong. I know that children are a blessing and a gift from God but wouldn’t receiving this gift be even more special when receiving it the right way?
Besides emotions & a boyfriend influencing their decision to make that bed or take that path in life, I noticed that we didn’t have proper role models to influence us to keep our V plates. Sure, our parents & our church teaches that. But how many times have we been influenced by celebrities, our friends or people we follow on social media ?
If you are someone that is also waiting till your wedding day or maybe you are someone that is already sexually active but have decided to be celibate, then here’s some reasons I’ve reminded myself (and you can use too), why waiting will be worth the wait!! 💁
1. You are a priceless Gift – I always see on Pintrest boards and wedding videos of gift ideas that couples give to their significant other, apart from exchanging wedding bands. What a better gift to give to them that nobody else has ever touched or seen then giving them your purity that only they get to experience & deflower? 🌸 No price tag or jewel on this Earth can match what we each have to offer to the one that deserves it. Remember know your worth. Don’t settle for less then you deserve boo boo.
2. If he really loves you, he’ll wait – I use to think that if a guy told you i love you, then he was the one. Then I realised that anybody could say those 3 words and not mean it. So, with the power vested in me & all my will power, if he can wait too till we are married and that he respects my morals then he surely loves me.
3. You are a Living Sacrifice – At the end of the day our bodies don’t belong to us. They belong to Christ. We are held accountable to what we put into it. Both physically and spiritually. So, if we are putting stuff into our bodies that aren’t meant to be there, this will affect your relationships whether it is with Christ or people. “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God,….Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,…..what is good and acceptable and perfect” – Romans 12:1 Which leads into my next point that constantly reminds & scares me,
4. Its not just a physical act, its far more deeper – There are physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of sexual intercourse. It wasn’t till I came across a post on Facebook outlining this and then hearing it in bible study the effects having sex outside of marriage has spiritually. Often emotional trauma associated with sexual immorality and it usually manifest itself in a variety of ways including the development of a soul tie. A soul tie is when one person’s soul to ties to another person’s soul. In, 1 Thessalonians 5:23 – “Man is made up of three parts: spirit, soul and body.” Soul ties are intimate bonds to another human being. So rethink before getting into bed with that man or woman do you really want their soul tied to yours if your not ready to commit to that person?
"Opening up our sexuality unlocks a whole new world of vulnerability within us that doesn't just affect us physically - but impacts our entire being - mind, body, soul and spirit." - Laura Toggs, The Secret Garden
5. Is it really worth it? – And last but not least, i like to ask myself this question in general to any situation in life from buying a burger, a new pair of shoes, to going out. If you ever get yourself into a heated situation, ask yourself is it worth going there with this guy/girl? Is he worth undermining your morals & standards? Is he or she worth soul binding with?
And so that ladies and gentlemen are 5 points that have kept me accountable in ensuring that I continue to uphold my promise to my 18 year old self.
In a fast paced world & standards being lowered we need more young men & women more then ever to empower & teach that its okay to be a virgin and to continue to teach how to maintain that purity.
Please if you are someone that needs more encouragement, message me or let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your opinions and thoughts.
Till my next post, Au Reviour!